Today I’m writing about iced coffee. My friend Mirelle introduced me to a certain type of beverage called the “soy vanilla latte,” a drink that I find to be extremely entertaining to think and write about. Think about it- you have this massive cup on the table, a warm breeze, a notebook. What else to write about than exactly what’s in front of you? I shall now make a small list depicting everything I enjoy about the Iced Vanilla Soy Latte, in no particular order.
1. “Latte.” A cute little word that makes people feel very posh. Admit it, you order a “latte” and suddenly you get this smug feeling, all like “I’m using an Italian word, hell yeah.” [I had to research where the word came from.] Also it sounds slightly healthy, so I feel better drinking it, despite the plethora of calories that I’m doubtless consuming. Googling images of a latte, in order that I should be able to write about it more thoroughly, I came across a bunch of photos in which the barista had made perfect mini images of pretty much anything. A mug of coffee, a heart, a flower, etc. Therefore…the word “latte” is not only fancy, but it also represents a means for creative barista-expression.
2. “Vanilla.” Don’t get me wrong, I love chocolate/mochas passionately, but the vanilla combo is so much better in a drink. I’m not even sure why. I feel like I’m cheating on chocolate by even writing this. But is it so wrong to admire vanilla? If it’s only a physical relationship, and not an emotional connection? Should I confess to chocolate that I’m feeling this way for another flavor? Oh man…
3. “Soy.” The most important word in this dramatization of the coffee experience. I have recently discovered that I’m kinda sorta lactose intolerant. Yes, a “lactard,” as one of my friends so nicely put it. Nothing like being called a dairy retard, so wonderful. That, of course, doesn’t stop me from eating ice cream and drinking milk (I have been cursed with a love of milk, and soymilk by itself just doesn’t cut it for me). But then the “soy” in the latte came into my life, and I have started gulping these by the venti. It’s so delicious, and my digestive system doesn’t hate me!
I can’t even describe to you how good this tastes to me. I’ll try to analogize: the feeling that you get when you’ve been searching for a life partner and you find him; the well of emotion that hits you as you accomplish a goal; the tears that spring to your eyes when you see a piece of nature’s artwork…all that, plus finding an awesome drink (with the help of a friend) at your local Starbucks.
It’s just splendid, is all.
Tip to get coffee stains out of your teeth: Brush. Lots.
Or, if that fails, use Crest Whitestrips. Those things are genius, trust me.
Write Then & There 
Soy and goodness somehow don’t fit together in one sentence. It is (at least in some people’s opinion) the “monster” food. Often a product of genetic engineering btw… and here is an obligatory scary link -> http://www.menshealth.com/nutrition/soys-negative-effects
Sorry to rain on your parade….
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, no worries! I am simply extolling the soy theory simply because of my “lactard” status. It’s a wonderful substitute, for me, and helps my tummy.
Cheers!
Just saying…. “no soy” in Spanish means “I am” – perhaps some deeper meaning to be seen in simple words.