I would like to take a break from poetry momentarily and talk about what’s on my mind. Of course, that’s a dangerous thing, because everything is always on my mind, rushing through and then I’m trying desperately to grab something to anchor me before it swings past. Anyway.
I’ve been thinking a lot about anger lately (duh), but I’ve been also ruminating about forgiveness. And what it means to hold onto a negative emotion – because it’s so easy to grasp it tightly to yourself, it’s comforting, isn’t it? Anger at someone, resentment for a thoughtless word or action, sadness and hurt because you’ve been disappointed. Or maybe you were the one that did the disappointing, and the only thing keeping you from being overwhelmed with guilt is that feeling that you’ve been wronged? I don’t really know, I’m speculating. But let’s assume for a moment that holding on to negative emotion is an innately selfish act.
The ease one finds in sticking with negativity only hurts the one who holds it tightest. It builds and builds until we forget why we were angry, why we hate him or her so much, why we refuse to forgive and forget. Isn’t that what it is, yeah, I know the phrase – to err is to be human. Yet we fear the erring, we dread it, and so…when it finally happens, we fight it. Of course, it becomes worse the more we fight, and then the resentment brews. Do we resent ourselves, for being entombed in the situation? Because “woe is me, it’s a cruel world,” or is it more of a “I can’t believe I did this again“? Again, just speculating. But let’s assume for a moment that we get ourselves into the situation that pains us, and now we believe the only way to find comfort is to hold onto the nearest rock – that same pain.
On that note, we’re all idiots.
Trying to make some sort of sense of my whirling thoughts has brought me to this: let go of the rock. (Though I think backing away from the cliff wall makes more sense to me…but for the sake of some sort of poetic flow, let’s stick with “rock.”)
I have a friend who reminds herself every morning that she is unique, and beautiful, and smart, etc. And she is. But I think she does it consistently because she’s been through so much pain, and the only way to slowly get back up again is to hear that affirmation. We all need something to fix ourselves when we screw up. Or when someone else does. (We all, we all, I sound like some sort of therapist.)
My point? I’m not gonna quote Frozen but you know what I wanted to say. Stop hurting yourself by holding on to the emotional ick. Find your peace.