Tarnished Silence, No Longer Gold

I believe I’ve become too reliant on the company of others.
It’s gotten to where I cannot find a moment of peace because my past self has already scheduled time for every day of the week with various people, with whom I don’t want to lose touch.
If I’m not texting someone, I’m distracting myself with watching mindless television shows with predetermined laugh tracks so I don’t have time to think for a moment and decide if I actually find something funny or not.
From work to home, utilizing my hour-long car ride for phone calls and “catching up” with friends and relatives. Needing to acknowledge strangers and attempt mild conversation while the barista makes my coffee in less than a minute.
I’ve forgotten silence.
I’ve forgotten solitude.
And I might be going a little insane as a result.
To the point where anyone’s talking makes my teeth hurt,
brain throbbing and I simply cannot stand the presence of even the most mild personality.
I need to take a long walk by myself,
but I’m scared because my neighborhood isn’t too safe at night,
and I only get home in the late evening because of the aforementioned commute,
and it started snowing again and who wants to walk in the cold, with the lakefront wind buffeting and stinging my face?
Am I making excuses?
Am I afraid to tell my loved ones to leave me alone?
Am I scared to be alone and not surrounded by ambient noise?

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