Being Human

i’m just so sick of being human
the vulnerability, the laughter
the sudden anger and the need to
eat a sandwich
– sometimes all you need is a sandwich –
and a string of fairy lights is enough to
lull you to sleep
a melody seeps in and
transforms the singer as you watch him
brings him to life
the beat of the drums resonates and tickles your collarbone
until you’re unsure where the drum beat begins
and your heart rate ends,
and you’re somehow okay with that uncertainty.
i’m so sick of being a woman
and feeling like i can just explode with love
though i have to suppress most of it
to not scare someone away or think anyone is entitled to it.
why do i still feel lost
even though i’ve carefully planned out
the next few months in meticulous detail
and yet the unknown frightens and excites me
i want to run away and not think about how i’ll take my next steps,
i want to drink in the music as if i had been fasting
and suddenly seeing the bottle of water, i pounce like a toddler losing its balance
after running for the first time.
i’m going to create amazing things,
even though i’m just a human.