Lavender Oil

Anxiety is something that I’ve learned to embrace, in a way. I’ve been battling with it for so long that the idea of not resisting was nowhere on my radar. At one point, after days filled with constant pounding in my chest, and sleepless nights, something snapped. Perhaps my mind had decided that enough was enough, and I just accepted my worries and fears, let the thoughts float through my mind and waved hello as they passed by. It was a pivotal point in my healing process.
Of course, I still have moments where my anxieties overwhelm me and I fight to catch my breath – I wrote this poem during a particularly difficult time. But, as always, I find my center after I acknowledge that my visitor is just that. Temporary.

She told me I’m a mess today.
There’s no way she could know that
I stay up half the night with a
pounding heart
-I feel it in my temples-
wondering where my life will go
why others have figured it out
I should have full control by now, she says.
I smile politely and breathe, what else can I do,
I thank her for caring while my lungs fight to scream,
but my mind wins. For now.
Inhale. Exhale. Thank you for the advice.
She shakes her head and sighs,
doesn’t believe that I’ve taken her seriously.
There’s no amount of words I could say,
I cannot arrange them as she does,
so I think of the lavender oil that’ll
perfume my wrists tonight.

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