His Inner Monologue

finely lined jaw, receding chin, dark eyes
(flashing almost too quickly for me to see: happiness, sadness, and anger)
pupils dilate rapidly as he tells me
he can’t bear to not have me around
because then i’ll have to be alone with my thoughts
my happiness means so much to him
but only if my demons aren’t out to play
he really wants to see me flourish
if i’m more successful than you are
he loves my smile
if i’m in a good place
of course he’s not upset about your friend
because i’m sleeping with the other one anyway.

he kisses me way too hard, painfully
maybe she’ll think i’m more of a man, this way
but can’t meet my gaze
she’ll see that i’m afraid, that i’m faking
tells me his darkest secrets, too soon
if she leaves me now i can use this as a scapegoat
eyes glazed, unhearing,
if i hold out she’ll want me more
and when i tell him i’m no longer interested
he panics…lurches, clutches desperately
but things were going so well!

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