A Slew of Winter Definitions

Winter is

  • keeping one eye on the ground in front of you searching for ice while also making sure you’re not bumping into humans or poles or into certain death as vehicles swerve over the half inch of slush, skirting the curb by mere inches
  • dreaming of the fifth cup of tea while you’re just finishing up your second, and as you sip that second one it turns to ice in your shaking fingers
  • wearing a fur-lined winter hat inside and getting strange looks from that one coworker who is a human furnace while your other shivering friends nod and commiserate in their own down coats
  • losing feeling in your nose and hands as you type and needing to wash them in scalding hot water so that your hands can start to move and feel again to produce some sort of work during the day
  • making homemade apple sauce as the snow cascades outside threatening to snow you in without resources, suggesting an impending war within the apartment building verging on the inevitable cannibalism, but it doesn’t seem too bad once the apartment fills with the scent of cinnamon
  • eating that apple sauce with a spoonful of vanilla ice cream and feeling the chill combine with the warmth of the apples and coming really close to tasting heaven, probably as close as anyone will ever get, even though the amount of apples it takes to generate a cup of apple sauce is astounding and is it really worth the effort?
  • hemming and hawing about leaving your apartment to go out with friends, even though you want to be social but do they really need you there and if they do, are sweatpants acceptable to go dancing in?
  • haggling expertly in the confines of your blanket burrito in an attempt to coax yourself out of bed (five more minutes of delicious warmth, and then you can have that second piece of biscotti for breakfast)
  • needing to keep your nails short and neat because there’s a special type of hellish agony that shoots through the pain center of your brain, threatening to overwhelm you and send you screaming into the abyss, when you accidentally scratch your own frigid skin

    and, of course:

  • playing in the snow and feeling like a child again, joy and energy coursing through your body as you expertly stumble around and dodge those freezing cannonballs, except those moments when snow gets into the crevice between your scarf and coat and trickles down your spine in a reminder that you’re more of a blankets and hibernation person anyway

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