i hope he lifts me up in the air
spins me around –
until my vision gets blurry and my head threatens to fall off
until i can’t tell if i want to die or laugh
until i almost pass out –
and sets me down.
sometimes i pretend
that my honey wheat pretzel is a cigarette,
and that i’m hanging out of the car window,
wind buffeting my face, so that when
my eyes tear
i blame it on the chill.
what if i had blue eyes
life would’ve been so easy,
strangers would pass me free coffee
i’d find shoes in my size
boys would send me love notes
and properly constructed bouquets
– flowers wouldn’t fall apart
and stain my carpet.
if i had blue eyes
i wouldn’t need to sparkle
would’ve gotten that job
wouldn’t have been as taken with his smile
maybe i wouldn’t be afraid of uncontrollable things
and maybe he would’ve loved me more.