Does That Make Sense?

i feel like there’s a cloud of bees just swarming around my brain
and not letting me form complete thoughts
just jumping from one to the other, so i don’t fall over –
does that make sense?
i feel like there’s a storm cloud resting heavily on my head
preventing my eyes from focusing,
blinking, blinking, over and over to
clear the fog –
does that make sense?
i feel like there are coils and coils of thick rope
winding around and around my thoughts, binding them tightly,
trapping them so i can’t cut them loose,
and it makes me want to curl up into a ball and close my eyes
and never open them –
does that make sense?

what’s wrong with me? how do i shake this?
“i feel the same way.”
“what i do is try to keep myself busy. though i don’t know if it makes it better or worse.”
“you should write about this.”

sometimes i feel like there’s a wall up around me
that i can’t breach
– or maybe i don’t want to breach it? –
walls too high, made of steel, smooth for miles with no handholds,
towering above me, slamming into existence in impermeable layers.
it’s safe in here. quiet.
there’s only me in here. alone.
with my thoughts.
just me… and all my thoughts…
filling up this tiny space i’ve created
– when did it become so small? –
till i’m drowning, one hand lifted up toward the open sky around me,
while the steel walls glisten in the welcoming sun that i can no longer see.

does that make sense?

2 thoughts on “Does That Make Sense?

  1. Love love love this. Makes so much sense to me. I almost wish it didn’t, but I know better now. I have to remind myself I do not suffer from anxiety, I learn from it. Although sometimes the suffering part feels very real.

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