Breathe

by Jason

Okay, here she comes. This time we play it cool. Just casually say Hey there . No, wait, that isn’t a conversation spark.  Compliment her. That will make her stop for a second. What do we compliment?  No, not boobs. Hair, that’s the one.  Wait, what if she hates her hair today? We could go down in flames immediately. What about… no, not boobs… her shoes. That’s the key, shoes. Wait, why would I look at her shoes?  Am I creepy foot fetish guy? No, it has to be something else. A joke? Yeah, let’s tell her a joke. We can be funny. Why can’t I think of a joke right now? What is even funny? Oh no, am I breathing? Breathe. She’s looking at me right now. Do I have something in my teeth? What if I have a drop of spit shoot out and land on her face? Okay, let’s say hi, but we’ll look off in the distance so we can avoid accidental spitting. No eye contact? That’s the worst idea yet. Breathe. We have to-

“Hey J,” she says as she walks by.

“Yoooooo,” I nod while giving the double thumbs up.

Okay, we’ll figure it out tomorrow.

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